the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I had to cum in my sink.
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