Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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