We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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