I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
