I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
