I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
