so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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