She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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