Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
