I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
