I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
