sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
