When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
