I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I want her autograph on my taint
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
