im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm at about main and main street
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
