Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
