What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I believe in your delicious
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
