I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
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