Im at strip club and am horny
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
