at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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