worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
How external is "for external use only"?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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