How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
