u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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