How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
actually, I'm a sock model
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
