Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
