i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
