Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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