I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
