The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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