your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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