so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
