she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
