I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
