i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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