So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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