So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
