if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
