im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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