This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
We're hate flirting, damnit.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
