You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Randomize
