You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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