I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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