her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
