Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
