Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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