I'm gonna have a badass scar
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
