i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
