wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
