Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
