the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
