I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
