We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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