grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
